Fake Id’s
Long gone are the days of simply acquiring an X-acto knife and laminating machine and craftily inserting your own picture. No longer can you carve out the year you were born on your learners permit and replace it with a more preferred one via Bic pen.
These days, you’d better hope you have an older sibling who looks a lot like you and is willing to get another god awful DMV picture taken for the sake of your public drunkenness. In Oregon, twenty-nine dollars is all it takes to replace the “lost” ID card of an older family member. In Washington, it’s only fifteen. Word of advice: convincing them to do this over drinks greatly reduces how serious fraud charges sound. Growing up as a younger brother or sister does have its perks. Apparently, they just come later in life.
If you are an only child, or don’t have any older siblings, you can do what I did years ago. At the age of sixteen, my fake ID came easier than having to ask my seven years older brother or bitchy Mormon sister to take a quick jaunt down to the DMV for me. All I had to do was sit downtown, smoke pot (probably out of a metal pipe) and resemble the ex-girlfriend of some hippie who happened to have her drivers license on him. I bought that shit straight up for five bucks.
Bottom line—know someone. If you don’t, the least you can do is exude some serious confidence as you look the bartender in the eye and order your drink. And you’d better be sure you wore your best push-up bra.
