Even Fake Tits Are Better Than This
Portland /// Swan Lewis
So the much anticipated return of Swan Lewis was actualized in Berbati’s for the Skin City event Sunday night. As hyped up as I was for all of this, even though not an incredible amount of others were (besides the crowd of probably underage girls flashing their more than likely suburban smiles at my city swagger in the street) the mission was a success. Except that the ’show’ completely sucked.
And there were many reasons for this. The crowd was boring. Most people were seated and completely unaware of the fact that ‘live’ entertainment was in progress. The chicks were not attractive. You would think the females at a Burlesque show would be pretty dope, right? Well, so did I. Straight disappointment. And the music was awful. Some derelict shit that you would be appalled by if it was amateur night in your friend’s back yard with free ganja food, chickens, and all the liquor and wine you could possibly drink. This band had no reason to be at an over hyped Burlesque show in one of the city’s most credited night life venues during a three day weekend.
Fuck. A complete waste of time? Probably. Then again, the possibility of my late arrival after boozing with Cecil Brown in various other venues could have contributed to missing the ‘best’ that this show had to offer. Even so, during my eighteen minutes of witnessing this, I have to admit I was turned on by the one and only hottie in the whole show who told us that her nipples get hard when she drinks whiskey, obviously a woman who could potentially hold her own with myself. She stayed fearless as a few in the audience snapped shots of her exposed nipple that she flashed for a birthday girl, sadly she completely ignored the forty four year old sociopath standing at the stage who was also celebrating his birthday. I was pulling for him to get the nipple action. His crazy eyes feasting on a bare nipple in a public arena seemed far more appealing than the boring blah blah blah between the girls.
Without a doubt the highlight of being in Berbati’s this night was enjoying my first draft Black Butte porter in over a year and scoring a pack of high class smokes someone left on a table.
